this is ridiculous

Dear S, D, K, and the other another K 

I haven't done anything to any of you. If you'd like to go and play your game where you side with the person who was wrong, you can please be my guest. However, that does not justify rude behavior towards me in any way, shape, or form.

I was "friends" with you all at one point, and this is beyond stupid right now.

Y'all are shitty anyway!

seriously...

I had another dream last night.
I'm starting to scare myself. Maybe even depress myself a little bit. Dreams do have meaning though, right?



I think I might need councelling.

ugh

I just woke up from one of those dreams that's so good it's terrifying. The kind of dream that you want to happen so badly, but you know never will - so it becomes a nightmare. I tried to wake myself up from it for so long, but I just couldn't. It was like my brain was trying to torture itself by believing something that was 100% not true/ever going to happen.
The thing about it though, was even though I wanted it to be real so badly, or maybe even like deja-vu, the thought terrified me so much that when I finally woke up, it was in a cold sweat.
It was so good for the short time that I thought it was real. I even looked at my phone to make sure that the "text messages" sent in the dream hadn't been sent - thankfully they hadn't.

I'm not making any sense, but I kind of feel like crying.

a ghost or some shit!

So, I think somewhere in the back of my mind a switch was turned on, which is now telling me to shop my pains away. I know - this sounds like me in the 9th grade or something, when I spent my college money, but this time it's different because I've worked so effing hard for every dollar I've made.
The other day I dropped $150 in 15 minutes, which is pretty impressive if I do say so myself.
I guess it's easier though to just spoil yourself when something shitty happens to you, because that way you get to make yourself feel better by bumping your self esteem up. (not that mine was particularily low or anything, but just the same) Anyway, I feel a billion times better and hotter and overall just greater because of it. =)

I've also been drinking...way. too. much. I didn't even really realize it until last night when Marija and I dropped like, 60 bucks on drinks at Raina's birthday dinner. Holy shit, phil! I mean, it's not thaaaat much, but when you look at the amount that you're getting for the money you're paying...not down. Not down at all. I got super shitfaced though, which was lovely as always.

Anyway, I feel like I need some kind of new male in my life. Just like, a completely new guy who knows nothing about me and we can just hit it off. Honestly, there are two guys right now that I know are pursuing me in hopes of us dating, and another just for sex, and it's gotten really boring. I just want someone fitting to come along who's cool and nice and a mystery. hgjfgkjhkjghbkgf WHY IS THAT SO HARD?

Also, Simon saw Beau and Alaina holding hands walking by the Safeway on Broadway and Commercial the other day. He looked up to wave to them, and Beau purposely looked away all guiltily. Then Simon overheard him say: "yeah, I used to like that guy. I don't anymore". Really, now?! Is that what this has come to? Jeeze.
I was upset about it at first, but I don't care anymore. I'm pretty happy to say I'm finally completely over it. I hope they're happy/miserable together.


The end for now!

Oh, but wait!
I went to Deadmau5 on Friday with Ruby and Sophie, and holy shiiiiiit it was a fun time. It was such a fun night of dancing a ridiculous amount and chain smoking. And I got to see the boys from the cabin for the first time! I also got Lorne and Scott's numbers, and they said they want to hang out sometime (which I doubt will actually happen, because I don't know why on earth they'd want to legitimately chill with an 18 year old...but SURE). Seeing Zach was a bit awk too, but whatever. And my looooooord Josh was just done. It kinda reminded me of old times though, which is silly to say. I guess I'm just more used to seeing him about to pass out/unable to stand up than Ruby and Sophie are, after that week of debauchery. lalalalala

And another also! Ruby's leaving for Katimavik in like, 3 days. I'm so not ready for this, and I'm so sad. I'm going to miss her a boatload.