this is lame.

I'm so sick of not feeling wanted.

if i was yours, but i'm not.

Hi, blog.

Too much. Have some photos.















you say can we still be friends
if i was scared
i would
and if i was bored
you know i would
and if i was yours
but i’m not
all the kids have always known
that the emperor wears new clothes
but to bow to down to them anyway
is better than to be alone

fluffiest clouds!

I feel so calm right now.

Today is my first day off in what feels like weeks, and I'm SO happy about it! I haven't really really been doing much of either over the past little while, but I've had one or the other every single day. It's been pretty intense! I'm so happy it's sunny and warm enough outside to not need a jacket right now, too.

Oh yeah! I finished school! I got my bartending liscence! It was so much hard work and memorization (I had to essentially cut out weed while I was doing it, because being permafried is not helpful when you're trying to cram), but iiiiii didddddd itttttt! I got 96% on my Serving it Right exam, and I'm pretty darn proud of myself. I finished with 83% on the written, and unfortunately almost totally bombed my practical? How do you do this?! You know how whenever you have a test on a subject which covers a whole bunch of different aspects/categories/whatever (so there's a whole bunch of different potential questions), it always ends up focusing on the one area you don't know/are unsure of? Yaaaaaa that happened. Goddamn "Harvey Wall Banger" had been kicking my ass since day one. Couldn't memorize it for the life of me (fuckin' Tall Rocks glass, Built, 1/2 oz Galliano, 1/2 oz Vodka, orange juice and a flag). And then the "Manhattan" because we learnt it on the second to last day and I've never had one before so I wasn't familliar with it. I tried to memorize it (Man = rye, because whiskey was historically mostly drunk by males, but it still didn't work). (Martiti glass, Stir or Shake, 2 oz of Rye, dash Sweet Vermouth, dash Bitters, Cherry garnish)
Ugh. So frustrating to put so much effort and work and time into something, and then fuck it up at the last minute. My teacher totally knew that he'd screwed me over though, and commented afterwards about how he knew I was a better bartender than that. I ended up getting 11/16. 10/16 was the lowest you could get and still pass. Boo.

BUT I'M CERTIFIED NOW MAWFUCKASSSSSS.
Now to get a job.

In other recent events - boys are funny. I got hit on (I...guess?) by two very different, equally curly haired boys at Zeds Dead the other day. So wierd. Such a wierd funny time.
ZD was AMAAAAAAZING, too. I had so much fun. Coming home from shows dripping in sweat and with what feels like broken legs is always a good time (every so often. not all the time) (I'm also being completely serious right now. I love it). Working at 10 the next morning, however, was not. BUT one of the DJ's was in the Kids Market that day! However, he was kind of an asshole and didn't really seem to care that I was telling him he absolutely killed it the night before. Like, how many people would actually recognize a DJ? NOT MANY. fuck you, man. I was so starstruck and stoked for that short while.

I don't really know what I'm talking about anymore. I shouldn't attempt to update when I'm stoned. I hope this thing makes sense?

Portuguese stars on the 28th. I'm very excited. Trilingual tiiiiiiime!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EaTgDgCSh-w
"White Sky"
Vampire Weekend
Please just watch the link. I beg of you. I searched it and just died laughing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8NuEfHc_2c4
"LA Love"
Zed's Dead
yessssssssssss tiniest Pharoahe Monch sample yaaaaaay.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2klTw123_jw&feature=fvst
"Poppin' My Collar"
Three Six Mafia ft. Project Pat
THREE SIX TWELVE DAYSSSSS!!!!! THANK YOU LILY AND JOS FOR THE BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT EVER!

yes i got my swagga back

Honey, I'm HOOOOOOOOOOOOME!

Shambhala blew my mind in all sorts of different directions. I can't even begin to describe it. I'm going to sound like a huge hippy right now, but it's amazing to be around so many people who have found/are in the process of finding their bliss.

I win the hippy award for that one. Yes, I do.

But seriously.

The weather was mostly gorgeous and the people were great and the drugs were the best. Nothing went wrong! It is nice to be home now though. I'm absolutely exhausted and I need to just chill for....a day, before birthday time!

I'm loving August so much.

"Swagga"
Excision + Datsik
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpAePSP-ni4

"Act like you know"
Nero
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjgFYQMWtqo

But really, at the end of it all

"Home"
Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjFaenf1T-Y

I'd like a nice boy to cuddle up with right now. That would be the nicest.

you can erase someone from your mind - getting them out of your heart is another story

One of my favorite poems. Read the full thing if you have some time to kill.
"Eloisa to Abelard"
by Alexander Pope
http://www.monadnock.net/poems/eloisa.html

"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd;
Labour and rest, that equal periods keep;
"Obedient slumbers that can wake and weep;"
Desires compos'd, affections ever ev'n,
Tears that delight, and sighs that waft to Heav'n.
Grace shines around her with serenest beams,
And whisp'ring angels prompt her golden dreams.
For her th' unfading rose of Eden blooms,
And wings of seraphs shed divine perfumes,
For her the Spouse prepares the bridal ring,
For her white virgins hymeneals sing,
To sounds of heav'nly harps she dies away,
And melts in visions of eternal day. "

If I could, I'd erase you.

i can't give it up for someone else's touch.

My tummy hurts because I just ate a burrito >.<

SHAMBHALA ON THE BRAIN, ALL THE TIME ALL THE TIME ALL THE TIIIIIIIME!
I can't get over how excited I am. It's ridiculous. I'M LEAVING IN 4 DAYS MAWFUCKAAAAAAA!
And then
and then
and then

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!

I seriously forsee the two most intense weeks of my life, coming up right now. I'm gonna deeeeeeeestroy myself. (oops)

Still wanting a new job, because mine is getting boring and repetitive and I don't think I can deal with Arlene anymore.
Marija and I are booking our plane tickets to Europe sometime at the end of this month (!!!)

Everything is coming together.

All I need is a boy, and I'm all set.
(hmph)

O ya!






I wish I was on the money.

sup bitches

I quite like posting photos, and even more so, I like posting photos of myself!


I am such an LG, but its great.


OMG FUCK YOU?
aka
Blinded and blazing is my life.


Before bed a couple weeks ago, before I chopped my bangs again. I really like this photo for some reason.


Night, all! (note, no makeup and shiiiiiiit)

I went on a run today. It felt sooo amazing to actually get out on a warm night and run my little balls off. Without my dog. I feel terrible, because I know he'd be beyond stoked to be outside, but he's getting too old and slow now =( My poor little senior citizen.
Then I did 50 crunches when I got home. I realized the other day that I'm starting to get these tiny stoner lovehandles, which no one but me has/would ever notice, but they bother me. And honestly, doing a bunch of crunches can't ever be bad for you, amirite? I'm going to seriously do my best to make this a more regular activity, because according to every older person I know, excercise only gets harder as you get older, and I refuse to be a fat old lady!
I'm also thinking about taking a Butts, Abs and Thighs workout class thing at Mount Pleasant starting on Mondays in August. Yay, health!

In other news, it feels weird being alone in my house. I'm never alone in my house (probably because I'm never here, but still...). It's almost lonely. Thank god for Patches.

And I leave for Calgary in 9 days! STOOOOOOOOKED BEYOND BELIEF.

"Tell Me What to Swallow" - Crystal Castles
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZSE4uVtxBA
so down for this, and all Crystal Castles, all the time!

Imma go smoke some weed now!