you're living in a dreamworld.

"dear letterstolovers,
There's a difference between finding happiness in love and relying on it for happiness. Never let the swoon of a love take for granted all the things that bring you happiness.

Be happy whether in love or in sorrow and you'll truly be thankful for all that you have.

But to let love overpower your heart and soul is to be on a never-ending chase or quest, to which you'll let true happiness slip you by.

sincerely,
stagg_stradegy"


I found this randomly in a livejournal community a while ago. It makes me feel better whenever I'm down/heartbroken/confused. (which are all of my feelings right now)



Time to be alone.

you know i'd go to fucking hell for you.

I AM THE MOST FRUSTRATED AND CONFUSED, EVER.

I got dumped again last night. Why? Because of a year and a half old rumour, which is apparently too much to deal with. Do I deserve a real explanation/acknowledgement of what "actually" happened? No, of course not, you dumb whore.

This feels like a slap in the face. People need to shit the fuck up and mind their own business. WHY was something like this even being talked about? How is it that as soon as someone opens their mouth, my relationship turns to shit? Why can't it be when I (or really, either of us) open my mouth that things go bad? The last time we were together everything was fine. We were super lovey and kissy and huggy and awesome. Then he went to school and I went to work as usual. The next time we talked everything was okay too. And the next time after that. And then out of nowhere, when I called him last night to see what he was doing for the evening, he springs all of this on me. I'm so confused. WHERE DID THIS COME FROM?!


This is such fucking bullshit.

I don't know if I should laugh, or cry, or just be really, really mad.

Something obviously happened, that I don't know about. I'm going to figure out what it is.

i feel you in my bones

I don't know what to do tonight! I couldddddddd

1. Go to the Blarney Stone with Jos and Chris and all of their friends for a birthday. But I might be the only girl and get hella macked on? Not d.

2. Go out with all of the kids from Kaboodles because it's Colleen's birthday - but it's already 10:30 and I don't know what the plan is! And I think they just want to go to some kind of a chilled out bar, whereas I wanna be dancing!

3. The Astoria with all of my buddies, for cheap drinks and free cover!

I dunnooooo mangggggg.

In other news! I have new friends! I've taken to hanging out with my kinda-not-actually-really-at-all coworkers from Kaboodles, and they're super dope! We just go out drinking and we chat a whole bunch and it's lovely. Christiana's my absolute fave, and we have so many things in common, so time with her is always really, really awesome. It's nice to have work friends again - I missed that about Lush a whole bunch, because now that we don't work together, seeing each other is really hard.
Yay for new beginnings!

Otherwise, things are good. Having an I.D has been really awesome, and I hope it will continue to be so. It tooooootally doesn't look like me at all, but it works somehow =)
I'm also looking into school again - don't like, quote me or anything, because whooooooo knows if it'll actually happen or not, but! I want to take a language. Like Latin or Italian or Portuguese or something. I think Portuguese would be the most practical, because then I could speak it with my step-mum and be super stealthy all the time. I'd also know what the fuck she and my step-auntie's are always talking about when they whisper things to each other. Ha! F you guys and your secrecy. I mostly just think it would be nice to be doing something productive with myself again, because I'm turning into a lazy asshole.

Also! I'm due to be an auntie any day now! Nick predicted that the little guy would pop out on the 24th, but as of right now, there's been no sign of him! I'm getting antsyyyyyyy, I want him to come out right now! (I'm gonna spoil this kid soooo much, it's gonna be ridiculous!)

Anywayyyyyy, apparently we're going to the Lennox downtown? Cooooooooooool.

cool things!

I've been finding cool things lately!

Ch-ch-ch-check it!




I think Colleen is really cool! I can't wait for her to be done her drawing of me!



I want to do something like this. And have a camera that takes photos that are as gritty as this. I basically love everything about it.



Disney's the best.



I just re-discovered how fucking much I love fafi!



SICK SICK SICK. Only $250!

thrash thrash thrash

I've been reading around blogs for the past little while - just creeping through people that know people that I know, and it's been really interesting. People get so....into blogging. haha it just strikes me as such an odd thing, cause I don't really give a fuck? Real, deep feelings and stuff are meant for journals, in my opinion.

Better better better is what I'm getting to be. In pretty much every sense. I had a rough couple of days aka like, week, there. It sucked, but now I know I'm never going to have to repeat it again.
I've missed not being able to drink. Sure, it's been like, a week now, not even, but it's a nice thing to be able to do when you want to. Especially now that I have an I.D and can go out and do things! Baaaaaah, Karma.

CREEPIEST/WIERDEST/COOLEST THING JUST HAPPENED
I was reading my hososcope on (which is, by the way, the best online horoscope I've ever read. Actually, the best ever. In any print), and it told me this :
"March 20th, when the Sun leaves moody Pisces and moves into fiery Aries, turning you from a slug into a superstar overnight. Until then, paint your fingernails black, scribble down angry poetry, or brood over the one who got away."

I just painted my fingernails black. Not even two minutes before I read this. Trippayyyyyyy, man.
But seriously. That was wierd.

I should probably get ready to go out dancing! I have so much to do, and it's already 9:30!

if you don't love me, somebody else will.

Today was one of the worst days I've had in a while. My slutty phaze has caught up with me, and i'm kicking myself for it.

Things need to fucking pick up.

In other news! It's Sophie's birthday today, and I'm going out to get very, very drunk! I'm very excited about drinking my fucking pain away.

i know what i want, and what i want's right here with you.

I don't want to go to school today, even though it's the last day.
I just want to stay home and bitch. Or mope. Or something. I'm mad for a stupid reason that isn't actually stupid. Is it too early to feel under-appreciated? Yes. It is.
I'm really scared that I'm going to end up in the place that I was in...6 months ago. And I'm going to dig myself a hole and it's going to hurt even more this time. I cannot, and will not stand for the way I'm being treated right this minute. I am not her. I will not put up with the shit that she put up with, because I am a person of value, who deserves to have some fucking attention paid to her, instead of drinking while she gets bored and goes to sleep.

Ugh.

I'm really frustrated right now, and I can't articulate it.
I want him to apologize and make me feel better, and I want this to go away.